My mother. She’s a fighter. Diagnosis after diagnosis, surgery after surgery, fight after fight, she has never given up. There were times my mother would say, “I’m fine, really,” and give a weak smile, but truthfully, I doubt neither my father nor myself actually heard her cry for help underneath that smile. That’s what I regret about this whole journey.

This all started when I was eight years old. My mother was diagnosed with Type 2 Bipolar Disorder. I was so little; I didn’t know what was going on. Being a little girl, I did everything my mother told me, and now that my dad was asking for help from me for my mom, I didn’t back down. Dad thought her disorder was the end, but really…it was just the beginning.
In December 2007, she was enjoying a sweet Christmas with us, when she started noticing from her knees down, she was swelling pretty badly and having trouble walking up the steps. My dad was fearful for her and made her take in great consideration into taking a trip to a specialist. She did, and was diagnose with Lymphedema, swelling of the legs. She had to go under physical therapy for 1 year and a half.
In March 2008, my mother fell at a local Olive Garden resturaunt in our hometown. She thought she just sprained her ankle. After months of hurt and pain, she convinced herself to see her foot doctor. He said she had tended and ligament problems and needed to have surgery to fix it. September 7, 2008, my mother had a foot operation. It was three hours long, and each second I grew more impatient. She told us it was her longest and irritating surgery she’d ever had. She showed courage I don’t think anyone could ever display the way my mom did.

When I first heard, “Live Like We’re Dying”, I didn’t think anything of it. It was a catchy song by the winner of American Idol. But, I started listening to it more and more, and I realized; it’s about how we can’t look back on yesterday. You only have 86,400 seconds in the day to realize that we have to make everyday last and hope to live to the fullest and soon we will realize that we should live like we are dying, as Kris Allen said:

“This is all we got and we gotta start pickin it
Every second counts on a clock that's tickin'
Gotta live like we're dying”

I love you mom & I am bound & determined to win this for you. I want you to see that there is hope in this world for you, that you’re not alone. I am sorry I don’t say I love you enough. You make every second count in your life, Mom. I am not going to give up on you. I made a promise you, and I intend to keep that promise, no matter what. With all my heart,
Ashlyn <3